Man Drinks – What An Alpha Orders At A Bar
Have you ever googled for manliest drinks to order in a bar? I have. If you scroll through those sites and click all of those first page results for Manly drinks, and Top 10 manliest drinks, best drinks to order in a bar and so forth, you’ll find they all have one thing in common: They have absolutely nothing in common.
Now, I’d make you a top ten list of things to order in a bar to look like man, but there really aren’t that many things. If I wanted to make a long list of shit for you to remember in a bar, it would be either drink-based pick-up routines or a list of things not to order. Instead of that, I’m going to give you the top three drinks that an alpha male would drink at a bar. These drinks are strong, masculine, and not for women. When every beta is around you rocking a Bud Light like a little queer-ass nancy boy, you’ll be feeling awesome with your assortment of man-drinks that only card-carrying, nut holding dudes can drink.
Before we can get to that, lets throw around a little bar terminology so you don’t sound like an ass.
- Neat – Plain liquor, in a glass – nothing else.
- Straight-Up – Shaken over ice. Alternatively, “up“
- On The Rocks – Poured over ice.
That is really all you should ever need to know, specifically because “dry” and “dirty” usually apply to Martinis – which I never want to see any of you drinking fucking ever. Now that we’ve gotten that out of the way, here are your top three drinks to order at a bar.
The Old Fashioned
The Old Fashioned is the original cocktail, composed of bitters, a lot of whiskey, bit of sugar and some water. If you’ve never had the pleasure of drinking an Old Fashioned, I highly suggest you go out tonight with a few extra dollars in your pimp-ass money clip and buy one. Walk up to the bar, lean on it, and say, “Old Fashioned.” Don’t say anything else. Boom, everyone is impressed. For those of you interested:
Recipe For An Old Fashioned
Place the sugar cube (or 1/2 teaspoon loose sugar) in an Old-Fashioned glass. Wet it down with 2 or 3 dashes of Angostura bitters and a short splash of water or club soda. Crush the sugar with a wooden muddler, chopstick, strong spoon, lipstick, cartridge case, whatever. Rotate the glass so that the sugar grains and bitters give it a lining. Add a large ice cube. Pour in the rye (or bourbon). Serve with a stirring rod (Copied From Esquire).
Gin
Feel free to ask for a Gin & Tonic. Crush the lime it will come with, place it on top. If you don’t like the sound of a Gin & Tonic and you can handle your liquor without making that, “Oh my god this drink was a mistake” face some guys make (what were they expecting?), feel free to ask for your Gin “neat”.
Whiskey
On The Rocks. Sip it. If you’re really a man drink it neat.
That’s it. You should never order a bud light because its two dollars and you don’t know how to drink real liquor like a man. Look around next time you’re at a bar or club, and count how many guys have an actual drink (one of the three here), and how many have $2 or $3 beers. Make yourself stand out by ordering a real drink that real men used to have back in the day when it was actually cool to have a set of nuts.
If you feel I’ve left a drink out here or have been slightly unfair to martini drinking fairies, feel free to leave a comment and let me know. Also remember, we’re trying to raise money to purchase our own servers overseas so this site can always remain online for men to learn and grow from – we can’t do this ourselves. Consider clicking the donate button at the top and giving $1.
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36 Responses to “Man Drinks – What An Alpha Orders At A Bar”
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I used to order tom collins’ out, but it was always a crapshoot whether I would get anything remotely decent.
Instead I just cut out most drinking, save for cider on tap at the local pool hall. I’ll have to get an old fashioned or make one at home, sounds like a neglected drink that I would like.
I usually drink scotch neat, and I recommend it. I prefer the peaty Islay single malts like Lagavulin and Ardbeg, but they will put a hurting on your wallet if you drink too many of them at a bar. When looking to save coin, I’ll drink Johnny Walker Black, which goes down very easy.
Occasionally, I will drink manahattans, which are bourbon with a splash of sweet vermouth and bitters. This was a classic manly drink. Unfortunately, it’s traditionally served in a martini glass, which used to be fine. But the Sex & the City crowd ruined the martini glass with appletinis and other fruity monstrosities. Whenever I order manhattans now, I specify that they come in a rocks glass.
Good tip on the manhattan’s and changing up the glass. I can honestly say I’ve never had one, but next time I go out I’ll give it a try.
A man orders what he likes.
Give me a dirty gibson, straight-up with plymouth. Alternatively, hendricks on the rocks with a few cucumber slices.
[A man orders what he likes, sure - but if you order a Cosmopolitan I'm going to laugh at you lol]
Never had an Old Fashioned, but gin & tonic and whiskey or scotch on the rocks have been my mainstays for years. I love beer, but it goes straight to my waistline so I rarely drink it anymore. I heartily recommend Hendricks gin for the g&t, it is more expensive than the usual gin, but it is really good. Worth it to me; it even makes a decent martini (in the lowball glass of course; that’s how my father always made them). Guess I will have to try the Old Fashioned someday. Hopefully get a bartender who knows how to make it.
[Oldest cocktail around, supposedly. I'd hope that every bartender ever knows how to make it. Also, when I drink Gin I usually go for Tanqueray.]
I go with Vodka. If you’re dealing with an Eastern European crowd, rakia and slivovitz are the go to drinks. Just make sure they don’t water it down.
If I’m chilling, yeah Jack or Maker’s Mark on the rocks.
Mostly, though, I drink to get hammed. Thus, Captain Cokes and Xyience+Vodka.
Heavy beers only.
i always go with scotch on the rocks, cant beat the classics
A real man is not afraid to drink real beer.
“Real Beer” will never, ever include $2 bud light bottles.
A real man will always drink anything that contains more than 40% alcohol:
whiskey, cognac, gin etc.
Hey, a real martini – gin and vermouth, or if one must, vodka and vermouth – is the second-most manly cocktail, after the Old-Fashioned; it’s unfortunate that chicks have created a market for all kinds of drinks they falsely call martinis, sweet and creamy concoctions, simply served in a martini glass… True, that has poisoned the impression many have of martinis, including yourself, it seems. But the original martini was a manly drink, which is why James Bond drank a variant of it (the Vesper, made with Kina Lillet, an alternative to vermouth), though in the movies, it was a vodka martini rather than the Vesper, in the novels.
What a bunch of Nancys….How bout Hydrogen Peroxide chased with gasoline?!
For realsies: Goose on Ice is my standard. I started fucking around with Vodka splash Gingerale bc its not common and gets the occasional opener.
Backing off the martini train for a minute here, I knew a guy who always ordered 4 maraschino cherries in the bottom of his glass, followed by ice and finally whiskey with a splash of tonic.
I asked him why he always put cherries in the bottom of his whiskey, and he said to me, “Women. They will walk up to me all night and ask if they can have one. It’s the secret to sex.”
Will S. is right. A Martini is a man’s drink — ice-cold, gin and a little vermouth, and a couple of olives. That’s it — period. No apple stuff, no chocolate, nothing lame like that. Besides, properly made, a decent gin martini has the alcohol content of at least two, sometimes three, other drinks. If you don’t think much of a real Martini, then you don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.
Bourbon, Gin, and Scotch are my drinks.
If I had a nickel for every time I’ve had to explain to a bartender what “neat” means I could own a fully stocked bar.
“Whiskey, neat.”
-Receives liquor in a shot glass-
Real Men (TM) frequent bars in exotic foreign countries, where the bartenders don’t speak English and aren’t willing to cater to Western priorities.
Thus, what a Real Man (TM) orders depends on what language the bartender can understand, and what the bar has in stock.
I got here via Foseti. Linked to Ferd, who linked here with “And not like a queer.” “Boom, everyone’s impressed”? No. And I wouldn’t read Esquire.
I don’t like drinks made with sugar or that are designed to obscure the existence of alcohol. The Old Fashioned? Never. I drink G&T only occassionally in high summer in 1:1 ratio or stronger.
Whiskey on the rocks is awesome but only with a good bourbon or Scotch.
Gin can be good neat, but a dirty martini is a truly great take on gin. The only problem is that the type of bar where guys are drinking $2 beers is not the type of environment where you can enjoy it. A martini is a drink to have alone or pre-prandial. Gin with lime but no tonic is a good drink, too.
BTW, kids, James Bond is a fantastical superhero, not a real person. And the “real” one in the books is as likely to take uppers and champagne as a Vesper.
Out of the 3 drinks you listed:The Old Fashion is probably the only one I’d be able to handle lmao.Sounds like a sissy Beta.I know.
My next trip to the bar,I’ll have a sexy hired gun mix me an Old Fashion.
@Chinese name guy – Real men drink in exotic foreign countries? Not sure about that. Your idea of a ‘real man’ seems slightly skewed. A playboy may drink in exotic foreign countries, but any man that can handle his shit is a real man.
@Chris – Glad you made your way here, man! Stick around read some other stuff, and come back for new stuff. That being said, a true Old Fashioned has a higher alcohol to other stuff ratio than your 1:1 G&T. Thanks, by the way, for being the only person to understand the martini thing.
@Kenny – Buy yourself a good bottle of scotch, pour a double into a glass, fill it with water, and sip it. When you empty that glass, try it again but with less water. After a night or two of practicing at home, you’ll be able to order hard liquor neat at a bar.
Most bartenders today have zero idea how to make an acceptable Old Fashioned. I find that in order to get a decent one I have to be at a place that specializes in cocktails.
I wouldn’t order one at the average corner bar slinging $2 Miller Lites. Stick to whiskey on the rocks at a dump like that and save the Old Fashioned for a place that knows how to make a proper one.
As a bartender, yes, I will (silently, internally) judge a man based on what he orders to drink.
If he orders his whiskey neat, I am intrigued. When he gives me the “are you an idiot” look and tells me I forgot the ice, I get annoyed.
@Shade Zero et al: Sometimes when a bartender asks a “stupid” question, its because they have gotten tired of customers that don’t ask for what they actually want.
As an aside, I drink my Jameson’s neat. I guess that makes me a “real man”?
My father was a bartender. Old Mr. Boston was just one of the books he had memorized. When I turned 21 I went to his bar as he had promised to buy me my first drink. When he asked what I wanted, which I had carefully considered beforehand, I said, “A Grasshopper.”
He looked at me with a scowl on his face and sneared as he said, “When are you going to order a man’s drink?”
God, he was pissed. That’s the only Grasshopper I ever drank in my life.
I like a Brave Bull myself,
Hennessy, neat and in a snifter- the only way to drink real whiskey. OK, it’s a cognac, but, damn, it’s good! Second choice, Wild Turkey or Corwn Royal, also neat.
Vodka Gimlet. Like the Old Fashioned and the Collins, it shows that you know what you like.
But sadly, yer average $2 Bud light type bar will not have a tender who can do these well.
However:
As long as it isn’t a sissy drink in a martini glass, real men can order what they want.
My freshman-year college girlfriend was an East Coast WASP who believed that any drink with more than two ingredients was effeminate. I never argued with her.
On the other hand, in an upscale bar where the bartender looks capable, I might order a Sazerac just for historical interest.
I went through a phase (called being single) when an Old Fashioned was my drink. It was amazing (and sometimes disgusting) what bartenders would try to pass off as an Old Fashioned. Usually I would get pretty much the recipe you posted. But I was served an old fashioned with scotch instead of bourbon in Baltimore. In Tucson they salted the glass. In L.A. they sugared the glass. In Laramie WY I got bourbon neat with sugar in a Tom Collins glass. In many cases the only thing that resembled an old fashioned was the glass they served it in. I was 27 when I wandered into a blues club in St. Louis I was probably the only guy in the place younger than 50. The bartender set my drink down and when I reached for it, he slid it away and dared me – “Tell me how I made that and what’s in it and its on the house.” That was the best Old Fashioned I ever had and not just because it was free. That man was an artist, and the music was pretty good also.
I think I’m the only guy in the Manosphere who doesn’t drink.
i love a Manhattan with orange bitters…and i’m not a dude. does that make me an Alpha Female?
[No.]
Back to martinis. Only a martini is a martini. Fruity bullshit in a martini glass is just a shooter in a fancy glass. One of my pet peeves is people who pretend that a kamikaze becomes classy when you put it in a martini glass.
What about a dark rum such as gosling or kraken?
Old Fashioneds are where it’s at. If you’re lucky enough to be in a bar with a decent+ Rye whiskey, have it made with it.
This isn’t really constructive, but FUCK do I love whiskey.
OK, this is counter-intuitive, but I had a blast! I went to a bar ordered a damn Blue Lagoon(super girly). Anyways, went solo sarging with the mindset to “rock it with confidence!”. Which I did and to “man it up” I order it without a straw. It was great as an opener because it was unique and got the women curious. I made my way thru the bar, got some photos with about 6 women. Got 5 phone numbers and ended up tapping one. That was my “style” for the night and I had a great time!